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i went grocery shopping today. i saw one my favorite little students that is no longer in my class. she said hi. i bought a bag of cherries &a box of blueberries. i went to checkout. it was cute how i saw her staring at me from behind a shelf, &once i saw her.. she hid. haha, &i would over hear her telling her mom, “look, mom. that`s the teacher`s assistant!” i totally envy the kids i am T.A.ing for. i wish i could be a kid again. i wish i could tell my mom every little detail of my life &she`d actually pretend to be interested. i wish i could`ve grasped my childhood just a bit longer.

i`ve finally gotten what i`ve been waiting for. i`ve decided (just a few moments ago) that i`m withdrawing from this love game. i`ve fallen too deep, become too needy &dependent, &it`s definitely not the person i want to be. especially knowing that this probably won`t last. everything is too good to be true. &yes, it was true &the time was great. but it`s definitely not the time. &i am definitely not ready for a heartache.

my outlook on life has taken a complete 180 turn on me. so i took the test, &it came out negative. yay for me! today was my last day of working session 1; i will definitely miss the kids. well, i have a new set of kids. i love my best friend rica, oh so much. i have a doctor`s appointment tomorrow, &i won`t be seeing alex the next few days. it`s so hard not seeing him for more than a day; i really don`t know how i`ll manage when he`s off in college. :[

sole: damnit, i gotta go find a new italian to spend my days with
pe11:  That's impossible the only other italian in milpitas are girls.
sole: i guess i`ll find me an irish boy.. or just another white boy. haha :[
pe11:  Aww man. That sucks. What u gonna do this weekend
sole:  probably hanging out w/ my new boyfriend. hahaha
pe11: Is that what u call ur dog nowadays ahhahaha
sole: fuck you ahahahah. that makes me wanna go find a new boy. >:)
pe11: I'm sorry though :'(
sole: no you`re an ass. you smell like one too. i can smell you from here.
pe11: But I just took a shower. I can smell ur sweetness all the way from here. ;]
sole:  shut up, i didn`t even take a shower this month yet. i hope stay virginized.
pe11:  How can something so mean come out of such a nice persons mouth?
sole: HAHA. damn.. can i please see you tomorrow? i miss you :[
pe11: Yea fosho I got ur back girl. That was really nice. Who’s talking to me? Lol jk
sole: i`m only mean to conceal my affection towards you. gross, huh hun? HAHA.
pe11: Lol what’s gross babe? Hahaha
sole: me.. actually liking you. that is what is gross, love.
pe11: Ouch so painful cutie. LOL

i didn`t get my period. i`m sad.

i finally got my period! this week has been cool. i`m drawing away from my friends. does that make sense? well, i had a lot of time to myself. &w/ alex, too. it kinda sucks how i`m becoming so attached to the one person who will be leaving. oh well, i`m not worried about the future, yet. but we went to SF yesterday. it was one of the best SF trips i`ve taken,. we walked for miles &it felt as if we covered the entire city of SF. we explored, went up random buildings, discovered an empty mall, ordered tea from chinatown, rested at random spots, walked the piers, got lost, &saw lots of gay people. we had great conversations &the walk up &down hills weren`t that bad. it was such a long day, but it was worth every tiring, painful step. we headed back around 8, got lost, &finally back at alex`s by 930/10.